"Be who you needed when you were younger"

I needed a parent who cared more about me than they cared about themselves.
I needed someone to steady me- to encourage me- and sometimes push me down the right path.
I needed someone to be there for me. No matter what. To care about me so much it hurt- to help me get back up when I fell ... to love me unconditionally- and encourage me to be myself- 100%.

So I will try to be that person.

Simple Hate

Self-hatred is a bitter pill to swallow.
The mirror a nemesis.
The body- a cell.

Ah Hell

Searching for a link,
something to take my mind anywhere.
I click and scan ...
waiting, hoping.
But the fact is simple.
I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm not going to find myself in someone else's quote.
There is no lasting peace in fleeting pictures.
Pretending to feel something-
being nothing at all.

Leave me be

Very few things give me peace like closing my eyes.
Cloistering one of my senses so easily, with two flimsy slips of skin.
Step one in shutting out the worries of the world.
Or maybe just the people.
But, add a pair of headphones encapsulating my ears,
and I've very nearly found nirvana.
Sounds of choice, not only loud enough to hear-
but flooding me.

Duct Tape

Anti depressants are duct tape over a broken pipe.
You can't fix the leak, you just staunch the flow.
So the house is still flooding, soaking everything slowly.

Every piece of cloth must be wrung dry,
and you say to use the dryer, but it's shorted out.
Pictures disintegrate and papers become mush.

Nothing is safe in this house.
The water will keep rising.
And no pill can stop it.

Always tilting

Life is big and bold,
a fantastical adventure
brimming with possibilities!
Unless you're broken.

Afraid to be big or too bold-
afraid to be nothing at all.
And you become mediocre.
So it goes.

The world moves on without you,
birth and death, the planet still spins.
You're like a watcher,
feeling the tilt.

Dreaming doesn't stop though.
Hopes and desires still burn in the depths.
You remember being someone.
Once long ago.

Totaling

Why is everyday the same day?
Sleepless nights
have become comatose days.
Hours drag by, sometimes they fly ...
time and date lose meaning.
A glance over my shoulder
could be sun or moon
and neither would bring surprise.
Perhaps time is not the variable
we should be concerned with.
Let's count in smiles,
or tally tears.
Imagine a world where we base the worth of our day-
on the sum our love.
It would feel like more.
Sensation, experience, emotion-
will number my days.
And it will make all the difference.